What. The. Fuck.

Here's a cool rant. My father is a fucking idiot. He has NEVER been in my life. Scratch the maybe 6 or 8 fucking months he decided he would 'change and be there for us and be better.' Yeah, right. My sister has a different father than me and my older brother. Her father is actually in her life. He is an amazing father, as much as he can be from long-distance, and it's lovely.

I, however, grew up without a father. My father figure was my older brother, which I think at times was hard for him because he is human, he was a teenager, he was going to make mistakes. But in general, it was okay. I seem to have grown up mostly fine....I say mostly because I have some issues, though they do not surround my fatherless childhood.

I got presents at christmas when I was very young, but nothing more. He never paid my mother child support for either of us. My mom was pretty much stuck. This one year, one fucking year, when my older brother was getting older and I was getting older, that he thought we wouldn`t get it if he tried to `be a father` now. The sad thing is, I was only 12. So I was young enough to not quite get it, yet deep down understand not to hold hope because this shit wouldn`t last.

He started trying to contact us. We MSN`d like everyday for about four months. He became a part of our lives, in a way. We didn`t share too much, but there was no mistake that I now knew my fathers name and his family`s names and just in general, knew who this mysterious character is. He decided to tell my brother and I that he had booked a flight for us to visit that summer, all the way to alberta from nova scotia. We had no choice but to say yes.

My brother was busy the first half of the summer, but I was not. I went for the entire length of summer, and he went for the last half. I can remember perfectly packing my bags, unsure of anything, and thinking, `am I finally going to get my father back?' I was so innocent and had no idea that really, this was just his attempt to say he did so.

Halfway into the summer I was having so much fun, and my brother came up. The other half flew by. We had a lot of fun, and things seemed to be getting better yet weird. Our father was now someone we cared about. Whether we wanted it or not. I actually slept in his bed with him stroking my hair as I fell asleep my last night there, because I was sad to leave him. I cried. CRIED. Because I finally got my daddy, and now he was gone again.

After we were home and school started again, nothing was changing. I was keeping my little flame of hope lit, just enough for me to see but no one else to call me out on. My first experiences with showing a hard shell but being soft on the inside.

After maybe two months, contact was decreasing. A few months later, a phone call and card for christmas, and ta-daa! Contact gone. Dead. Like Houdini, my father had disappeared again.

Except, we had him added on facebook, and he tries to post us something on holidays as if he still cares. His new family is his by choice family. We're just something he has on his conscience, wanting to feel like it's okay not to be guilty. I will never let myself think otherwise, because when I did, he was gone again.

What I hate most, is that under his family, my step-brother is listed as his son. He isn't my fathers son. And my fathers real son, my brother. Not listed at all. Neither am I, but I could live without a father. I have been fine. My brother...I think it's hard for him yet not. He has forever, but knowing that he has more memories, sucks. At the same time, he knows his little sister will always look up to him as her father figure.

And my 'real' father, has the fucking nerve to try and post on my brothers wall to say "happy birthday, hope it is great, love dad." Nice fucking try, prick. You are no father, you never have been and never will be. Don't make your stupid excuses and expect us to 'love' you. I don't care what your reasons were for leaving. I don't care how far away you are. I care that my entire life, you never BOTHERED to mail or pick up a phone. And you are so fake now. You say come visit again, I say, try calling me and asking how old I am first. I bet you don't even fucking care.

Don't pretend you want to love us, because we know better. We know that we are of no importance to you. We know that you merely wish us to be off of your conscience, so you can live without that small teeny morsel of regret.

Go ahead, live. I don't want you. I hope you choke on a fucking big mac, or something to that effect.

Tomorrow, I will be eating dinner with my REAL father, my big brother, celebrating his 21st birthday, and loving every minute of it.

Girls VS. Guys.

So, here are my thoughts today. Have you wondered if guys really do care whether or not they look good? Like, I'm sure guys pick out clothes they want to wear and think about their hairstyle and stuff, but when it doesn't work out or the outfit doesn't look all that good, do they care? Do they start all over and try again, or do they say screw it and just go about their day like nothing happened? When going out for a date, do they sit in front of their closets forever trying to find something suitable to wear? Probably not, they probably only have one or two good date outfits, so they know what they are wearing and don't need to worry. Guys don't need to wear makeup, so they definitely don't need to worry about matching their colors and how to look good without putting too much on...They don't really need to worry about their hair, but sometimes they do anyway. Zits really don't matter as much on guys, but I guess guys must care and do something about them, right? Guys don't need to shave, except their faces. Well, not even then...But I dislike guys with facial hair so there ya go...Brushing their teeth sure but EVERYONE should worry about that.

GIRLS, on the other hand.....We constantly worry about our clothes, hair, makeup, accessories, purses, SHOES, zits, shaving, plucking and reshaping eyebrows, nails, toenails, feet in general because ew and we want our hot shoes to not make our feet look like crap. We will sit in front of our closets for AGES trying to find something to wear, we try many different things on...On date nights we have clothing crisis' that get resolved, and then, we do the same things again in front of the mirror. Is our hair okay? Can I fix it? Is it doomed? How do I make it look like this? Is our makeup okay? Should I change it, does it go? Should I try again? Should I wear makeup at all? Do I need to pluck my eyebrows? Is my skin clear and smooth? Are my teeth white enough should I whiten them? Like, we do SO MUCH, and mostly it's because society expects us to, and guys find us more attractive if we do these things.

It is very taxing on our energy supply to try to look perfect all the time. So if some days your best friend/girlfriend/random hot girl at your school comes in wearing sweatpants, hair up, no makeup, hoodie, sneakers, DO NOT ask her why she doesn't look as good as other days. There are only a few reasons:They woke up late, They didn't feel like it, Their outfit of choice didn't work out, Laundry day, or they feel like shit. And trust me, asking us only leads to us feeling bad and trying harder. Don't do that to us. There are some girls who don't care as much, which is refreshing. Personality should ALWAYS win out over appearances, because if you look at a girl one day out of say 50 and think she is unattractive therefore you won't go for it, you could be missing out on one of the best girls you will ever meet.

Us girls, we are way more than meets the eye. It is true to say guys can be as well, but usually we can tell by the clothes a guy wears what he is like. Girls switch it out so often, wearing so many different styles, that it's near impossible to know who we are. Hell, most of the time we don't even know who we are.

Life is more about creating ourselves, and us girls tend to do a lot of creating. :P

One good thing about girls is we care more about our friends' well-being than our own. We would stay up all night helping a friend in need and not even think twice, but when it comes to ourselves...We can let ourselves go unnoticed because we would rather help someone else. It's the fact that when girls form a bond, they automatically would do anything for that person. We can have as many BFFS as we want, and our sisters become our friends as we grow older. We start to realize all the important things in life as we get older and fighting with our siblings no longer takes as big a hold as it used to.

But when a girl says "I'm fine." Maybe you should dig deeper. Guys actually mean those words, most of the time. Girls? 90% need a hug when they say that.

So even if we don't tell you whats wrong, hug us. Hugs make us happy and can help us feel better without us needing to spill our souls out.

So, girls VS. guys, I vote girls. We do so much every day, and keep on doing it, plus....We are the ones who go through childbirth and keep guys on the planet. :P