Cheesecake is amazing. It really is, most of the time. I am not exactly a cheesecake fanatic, but I know that some cheesecakes are freaking delicious, and they make me really happy! Cheesecake is really good if it's chocolate, or with strawberries. I really want to try to make one of these glorius creations, but I know I would probably fail and be sad. In fact, I'd probably ruin cheesecake for the entire universe.
Ice cream cake is GOD. I love ice cream cake. I do not have a clue who first thought of ice cream cake or even who first thought of cake, but whoever it was, I really love them. Now pie is better than normal cake, I do admit, but ICE CREAM CAKE, is freaking EPIC! It is ICE CREAM in CAKE FORM! I mean, what else can someone ask for?
There is chocolate pieces, ice creamy type 'frosting' and fudge! It's a dream come true. It really is. Nothing in life is better.
Except maybe true love. But only because true love is freaking awesome. I mean, if you love someone, you can have a whole bunch of fun feelings that sometimes only being utterly insane will give you! Either being insane, doing drugs, or just having a disease. :P I mean, hearts skipping beats is scary. Think about it. What if you saw someone you loved and your heart was beating insanely and plus someone scared the shit outta you? You might have a heart attack. ON THE OTHER HAND, it gives you an incredible rush. Ice cream cake is good for a lot of things, but it definitely can't make a person feel less lonely. Especially after you eat it and it's all gone. Then you feel sad because you are lonely WITHOUT ice cream cake.
Love > Ice Cream Cake > Cheesecake.
Translation:
Love wins.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Rant (finally). :D
Ohkay, so, I found something new to rant about. Books.
Today I am going to rant about books and how reading is important and how NO ONE nowadays reads anything on paper. If you are reading this blog, you are a great example of how our world is now an electronic one. You know, as opposed to years ago when our parents were in the foreign land of OUTSIDE, BOOKS, PAPER, and even *Gasp!* FACE-TO-FACE INTERACTION!
Scary, isn't it? I know. But today I am going to give you five good reasons to read an actual novel with chapters. Thanks to my new complete joy about my newest book in a series I recently fell in love with hitting the store shelves, I have discovered that most of my classmates don't really read books. This one guy in my english class chose a NOVEL for his independent novel study for FIVE WEEKS that was a mere 80 pages. Because, as he said, he didn't read much and didn't like not being able to watch something as opposed to having to imagine something.
I am losing faith in mankind, and so to solve this I am being a hypocrite and blogging about it. Maybe later I will write it down on paper and hang it on my wall so I don't feel so bad. ANYWAY, five good reasons to read a good long book. (Mine are usually 150 pages+..Try it sometime)
1. Reading makes your brain work, thus making you smarter. Instead of some blubbering internet idiot such as 'I TOTEALLY KNO WHT U MEN DOOD!' You get actual coherent speech. Example: 'I know exactly what you mean, I feel the same way myself.'
2. There is a book for almost every type of person out there. Seriously. I did research. (Browsed my school library) There are sports books, history books, books about people who cut themselves, happy books, love books, action books, mystery books, encylopedias for the nerds, and even books with some math.
3. When you watch movies or television shows you are constantly held back by what the visuals and the personalities represented in that period of time are. You cannot make anything up, it is against the rules. Whereas books actually ENCOURAGE you to make shit up. ALL THE TIME. You can have a debate purely on whether a character in a book would do something insane because usually the characters don't state things according to your exact specifications. Neither do TV shows but they get close.
4. When the power is out and you are crying because your computer doesn't work, BOOKS WORK. They need no electricity.
5. If you don't read ever, you may actually start to see signs of this suffering in school. Your brain is actually screaming at you angrily "READ A GODDAMN BOOK!!!"
Also, if you read, you will get a cupcake. :D
So, those were my five good reasons to read books. Please take note that I did this all from the top of my head and therefore, it probably isn't 100% scientifically accurate and it probably sucks. Carry on with your electronically addicted lives(I shall join you on that one).
Just Me. :)
Today I am going to rant about books and how reading is important and how NO ONE nowadays reads anything on paper. If you are reading this blog, you are a great example of how our world is now an electronic one. You know, as opposed to years ago when our parents were in the foreign land of OUTSIDE, BOOKS, PAPER, and even *Gasp!* FACE-TO-FACE INTERACTION!
Scary, isn't it? I know. But today I am going to give you five good reasons to read an actual novel with chapters. Thanks to my new complete joy about my newest book in a series I recently fell in love with hitting the store shelves, I have discovered that most of my classmates don't really read books. This one guy in my english class chose a NOVEL for his independent novel study for FIVE WEEKS that was a mere 80 pages. Because, as he said, he didn't read much and didn't like not being able to watch something as opposed to having to imagine something.
I am losing faith in mankind, and so to solve this I am being a hypocrite and blogging about it. Maybe later I will write it down on paper and hang it on my wall so I don't feel so bad. ANYWAY, five good reasons to read a good long book. (Mine are usually 150 pages+..Try it sometime)
1. Reading makes your brain work, thus making you smarter. Instead of some blubbering internet idiot such as 'I TOTEALLY KNO WHT U MEN DOOD!' You get actual coherent speech. Example: 'I know exactly what you mean, I feel the same way myself.'
2. There is a book for almost every type of person out there. Seriously. I did research. (Browsed my school library) There are sports books, history books, books about people who cut themselves, happy books, love books, action books, mystery books, encylopedias for the nerds, and even books with some math.
3. When you watch movies or television shows you are constantly held back by what the visuals and the personalities represented in that period of time are. You cannot make anything up, it is against the rules. Whereas books actually ENCOURAGE you to make shit up. ALL THE TIME. You can have a debate purely on whether a character in a book would do something insane because usually the characters don't state things according to your exact specifications. Neither do TV shows but they get close.
4. When the power is out and you are crying because your computer doesn't work, BOOKS WORK. They need no electricity.
5. If you don't read ever, you may actually start to see signs of this suffering in school. Your brain is actually screaming at you angrily "READ A GODDAMN BOOK!!!"
Also, if you read, you will get a cupcake. :D
So, those were my five good reasons to read books. Please take note that I did this all from the top of my head and therefore, it probably isn't 100% scientifically accurate and it probably sucks. Carry on with your electronically addicted lives(I shall join you on that one).
Just Me. :)
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Hello, my name is: Betty. Today I'm blogging about: I don't know.
Ever think about letting go completely of all planning in life and just living from day to day, not caring what comes next? I have. Also, I've recently discovered that it doesn't completely work. In life there will always be a plan. Even if it's as simple as "Hey, maybe I should wake up." Planning happens all the time, even when we don't realize it. In biology, I'm learning about DNA and how EVERYTHING, every simple little thing, is controlled by a certain sequence of bases and sugars. Basically there's a pattern, that pattern makes certain proteins. Each protein then does all their different things in the body, and thus, you become you. You work the way you work because of proteins. You look the way you look because of proteins.
Obviously, you can't escape planning out your life because it's constantly being done and it's in your 'blueprint'. That being said, spontaneousness is also a big part of everything. When you have kids, the DNA they get and that is combined is all random. I try to live in the present and be spontaneous and not get hung up on details but that is so ME, it's not even funny. I am the type of person who feels like plans are important and if I don't have one, I am lost. But at the same time, I am completely okay with not having one if having one is more problematic.
Take my plan for after this final year of high school.
Step 1: Graduate.
Step 2: Some random summer job.
Step 3: Not a clue.
That's as far as I've gotten, because every time I try to go past that I can't decide on life or anything. I don't have a job, so it doesn't help. I can think of a few things I'd do after school, but no way to do it. Either I don't have the money and go back to needing a job or my mother tells me it wouldn't work and I go back to needing a job. So basically, my life's plan so far is to get a job. Pathetic. Really.
That said, most things in life that do not really require planning (or don't seem to) are actually twice as awesome as things that do. For instance, say you're family is driving along after a swim at some lake and see a sign for an ice cream place. You have to be home to make supper but you stop for ice cream anyway and get some, sitting together and laughing and having a great time. You don't even care that you need to make supper, and that you are spoiling it with your ice cream. (Can you tell I really want ice cream?)Those types of moments are what the world calls "priceless" and that are amazing in all their spontaneousness. I'd bet my favorite type of soda that no one would forget that day. I haven't forgotten when it happened to me.
Love is also something that happens completely out of the blue-usually with really bad timing-and screws everyone up. But at the same time, it's amazing. It's great, it's more than words can say. It's the closest thing this world has to magic, at least, that we know of. So when you think about it, planning and being spontaneous are both essential in life and our choices and how we choose to remember everything we do. So, be spontaneous, be organized. Make mistakes, fix them. Be human, and learn. Life is all about learning.
I guess I said it best about two or three weeks ago with my BFF.
"I'm going to plan spontaneously."
Just Me.
Obviously, you can't escape planning out your life because it's constantly being done and it's in your 'blueprint'. That being said, spontaneousness is also a big part of everything. When you have kids, the DNA they get and that is combined is all random. I try to live in the present and be spontaneous and not get hung up on details but that is so ME, it's not even funny. I am the type of person who feels like plans are important and if I don't have one, I am lost. But at the same time, I am completely okay with not having one if having one is more problematic.
Take my plan for after this final year of high school.
Step 1: Graduate.
Step 2: Some random summer job.
Step 3: Not a clue.
That's as far as I've gotten, because every time I try to go past that I can't decide on life or anything. I don't have a job, so it doesn't help. I can think of a few things I'd do after school, but no way to do it. Either I don't have the money and go back to needing a job or my mother tells me it wouldn't work and I go back to needing a job. So basically, my life's plan so far is to get a job. Pathetic. Really.
That said, most things in life that do not really require planning (or don't seem to) are actually twice as awesome as things that do. For instance, say you're family is driving along after a swim at some lake and see a sign for an ice cream place. You have to be home to make supper but you stop for ice cream anyway and get some, sitting together and laughing and having a great time. You don't even care that you need to make supper, and that you are spoiling it with your ice cream. (Can you tell I really want ice cream?)Those types of moments are what the world calls "priceless" and that are amazing in all their spontaneousness. I'd bet my favorite type of soda that no one would forget that day. I haven't forgotten when it happened to me.
Love is also something that happens completely out of the blue-usually with really bad timing-and screws everyone up. But at the same time, it's amazing. It's great, it's more than words can say. It's the closest thing this world has to magic, at least, that we know of. So when you think about it, planning and being spontaneous are both essential in life and our choices and how we choose to remember everything we do. So, be spontaneous, be organized. Make mistakes, fix them. Be human, and learn. Life is all about learning.
I guess I said it best about two or three weeks ago with my BFF.
"I'm going to plan spontaneously."
Just Me.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
I honestly have no idea why I am posting. I have nothing to say.
Today I have a question for the world.
Why the hell does no one ever see how amazing they are? Every single person on this goddamn planet has something amazing and special about them, everyone has some sort of awesomeness to them. It's sad no one can see it. Not even I can see the greatness in me. Anytime someone compliments me, I automatically say "not really but thanks." Or I go against what they said. And when I compliment people, a lot of them will do the exact same to me. So why the hell don't we think so? Is it just some stupid phase people go through at some point in time where they think they are worth nothing? Right now I am actually having a slight argument with GF over the fact that I am ugly and stupid and fat and not awesome. She says I am. I say she is. She says she's not. What the fuck is wrong with the world?
I realize I am swearing a lot here, but I actually just want to throw things and scream and cry and freak out. And smack myself in the face for writing all this when I don't even see the good things in myself. Growing up I've heard a lot of things about me. Those being: You are stupid, you are clumsy, you are getting fat, you are ugly, you are too weird, you aren't good enough, you're beautiful, you're amazing, you're funny, you're smart, you're epic. The good things were definitely never said enough. I think the bad things were sad maybe 100x more than any good thing, and by many different people. This is my excuse for the way I feel about myself. And maybe in time I can get over all that shit and see myself as somewhat cool or awesome, but for now, I still don't. At least not all the time.
And neither do half the girls I know. Heck, even half the guys I know think they're not as awesome as others. I blame the media. Seriously. All the media does is spit out images of The Perfect Woman and show us pictures of Equally Perfect Men. I don't get it. Why the fuck doesn't the media show the REAL WORLD?! The real world consists of people who are fat, skinny, in between, slightly curvy, beautiful, breathtaking, not so beautiful, and not so breathtaking people. And yet the media teaches us all that if we aren't just like the people they show us, we aren't worth anyones time. Not to mention bullying at school. In junior high I think I learned that I was worth absolutely nothing, and I still have some of that mentality today. Wanna know why? Perfect pretty pampered gorgeous girls. And all their stupid friends, and perfect boyfriends. Once you get to high school, there are ten times more of them. And then they turn on each other, and no one thinks anything of themself anymore since the media and their friends have all shown them how "horrible" they are.
We all seriously need to change the way we think of each other, and quick. Or soon, we'll have a lot more people who get depressed or commit suicide or become 'sluts' because of low self-esteem. Take a look around. Every single person you see is beautiful, each in their own seperate way. Get used to it.
Just Me.
Why the hell does no one ever see how amazing they are? Every single person on this goddamn planet has something amazing and special about them, everyone has some sort of awesomeness to them. It's sad no one can see it. Not even I can see the greatness in me. Anytime someone compliments me, I automatically say "not really but thanks." Or I go against what they said. And when I compliment people, a lot of them will do the exact same to me. So why the hell don't we think so? Is it just some stupid phase people go through at some point in time where they think they are worth nothing? Right now I am actually having a slight argument with GF over the fact that I am ugly and stupid and fat and not awesome. She says I am. I say she is. She says she's not. What the fuck is wrong with the world?
I realize I am swearing a lot here, but I actually just want to throw things and scream and cry and freak out. And smack myself in the face for writing all this when I don't even see the good things in myself. Growing up I've heard a lot of things about me. Those being: You are stupid, you are clumsy, you are getting fat, you are ugly, you are too weird, you aren't good enough, you're beautiful, you're amazing, you're funny, you're smart, you're epic. The good things were definitely never said enough. I think the bad things were sad maybe 100x more than any good thing, and by many different people. This is my excuse for the way I feel about myself. And maybe in time I can get over all that shit and see myself as somewhat cool or awesome, but for now, I still don't. At least not all the time.
And neither do half the girls I know. Heck, even half the guys I know think they're not as awesome as others. I blame the media. Seriously. All the media does is spit out images of The Perfect Woman and show us pictures of Equally Perfect Men. I don't get it. Why the fuck doesn't the media show the REAL WORLD?! The real world consists of people who are fat, skinny, in between, slightly curvy, beautiful, breathtaking, not so beautiful, and not so breathtaking people. And yet the media teaches us all that if we aren't just like the people they show us, we aren't worth anyones time. Not to mention bullying at school. In junior high I think I learned that I was worth absolutely nothing, and I still have some of that mentality today. Wanna know why? Perfect pretty pampered gorgeous girls. And all their stupid friends, and perfect boyfriends. Once you get to high school, there are ten times more of them. And then they turn on each other, and no one thinks anything of themself anymore since the media and their friends have all shown them how "horrible" they are.
We all seriously need to change the way we think of each other, and quick. Or soon, we'll have a lot more people who get depressed or commit suicide or become 'sluts' because of low self-esteem. Take a look around. Every single person you see is beautiful, each in their own seperate way. Get used to it.
Just Me.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Sometimes thinking just makes my brain cry and me feel the need to type.
Time for another rant. The first thing I am going to say is that I have a loverly cold (loverly being used sarcastically, of course) and headache, and my eyes are bothering me today. I have some crazy eye disorder called Iritis. It basically makes my eyes light sensitive WAY more than normal. I don't want to get into details so if you'd like to know more Wikipedia has a whole accurate entry on it. But if this blog is jumping around a lot, than it's just because my brain is foggy and I have cold pills in my system.
What's the topic of this rant? I can give you the answer in one word. Friendship. This rant is going to be long, unless I stop thinking of words to describe my feelings on this topic. Let's just say I've had quite a few bad eggs in my life.
I'm honestly not sure if I have a real concept or main idea of what friendship is anymore. I've heard a lot of people say friendship is knowing that if you needed anything, they'd be there. Or how often you see each other outside of school. My global history teacher last semester said you know someone is your friend by how much they'd be willing to do to help you. Like, say I got kicked out of my house. His point was that my real friends would be the ones asking me if I would stay with them. Or if I needed a shoulder to cry on, my real friends would be there. I half agree with that. Friends are the people you know you can count on,If I needed an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on, they'd try to help. But half of the people I consider my 'friends' honestly I don't think would take the time to listen to my problems. Either that or in their head they'd be thinking of how much I whine about things that are stupid. Other people have worse problems than I do, etc.
My old friendships, excluding one from elementary, never lasted. If I were to think back to old best friends whom I used to think I couldn't live without, I could probably list at least five. But somehow, as you have fights or as you grow older, you go your separate ways. For me, it was mostly because either they back stabbed me, I made them angry and never really got a chance to fix it before they were gone, or they just moved away never talking to me again until it was too late. In grade 7, I made new friends, but by this point I was mostly just waiting for them all to fall apart. Sometimes I catch myself still in the train of thought that certain friends don't actually even like me.
Miraculously, I still speak to my friends from junior high. Or, at least, some of them. Not often, but I do still speak to them. And not on bad terms, which I somehow find awesome. But back to my rant. I think friendship is all mostly about give and take. If someone is your friend and needs you, you are there for them. One day, they will return the favour. And if they don't return the favour, they're not exactly your friend. I have a lot of trust issues because when I was young I used to trust any friend I had with everything in my life. Everything. If my mom and brother had been fighting like usual, my friends knew. If my sister had made me want to go bang my head against a wall, my friends knew. If my mom had made me feel bad because of a mistake I made due to clumsiness, my friends knew. It was with this knowledge that most of my friendships fell apart.
Either my 'best friend' at the time told too many people my secrets and made me become a loner for a period of time, or they thought I was just whining and told everyone I was a baby. Either way, I learned not to get too close or tell people too many things. Junior high in my brain is full of probably the worst memories I can have from when I was younger. In junior high I decided that trust would go to only those who never gave me a reason to distrust them. And whoever didn't spread rumors about me or make fun of me. This happened a lot as kid for me. So in junior high I made new friends and had some fun times.
I think it was my grade 8 year that was the worst. I had finally begun to open up, realizing that my friends were here to stay, and feeling like maybe opening up was the smartest choice here. I had just gotten back from my first time(and my last) seeing my dad that I can remember. My mother and I by this point fought almost everyday, and then if we weren't fighting my brother was fighting with her. Basically, my house began to be a war zone. I told my friends everything. They listened intently, and told me how they thought I could help. Eventually I began to feel better and reach out more. Becoming a bit more like I am now, more outgoing. As I made more friends who seemed to genuinely like me, I became more fun. I got a boyfriend whom I trusted with everything I had. You know what it's like in junior high and you find love for the first time. I thought this would last forever.
Some friends of mine back stabbed me shortly after, not such a big surprise. I seemingly got over it and didn't care; inside, I was back to my guarded untrusting self. My list of people I trusted narrowed down quite a bit. The next big thing that happened, I got news that my boyfriend had been cheating on me. We broke up for about a week. During that week we talked a lot about things, and why he cheated on me. He had admitted that he had cheated twice. I felt my brick walls build right back up leaving me where I was at the beginning of all this. Somehow, I forgave him and took him back. This was the third chance I'd given him. The first time we broke up was because I got annoyed and it only lasted like a day. Anyway, long story short, we went back to being a happy couple and I let him back in. Happy ending? No. He shattered my trust yet again, by (no surprise) cheating on me. We broke up for good, and he moved away. Leaving me without a real chance to get over him. All I know is that for some reason, it's easier to get over someone when you have to push through seeing them everyday. My house was returned to it's war zone state, with me and my mother fighting over the smallest things that I didn't like even leaving my room. Grade 9 for me is what I call my 'dark ages'. I was truly in a hole that I let hardly anyone see into. Some of my 'best friends' from back then would claim they knew everything, but they only knew what I let them know. Trust for me was a concept I could only ever dream of being a part of again.
Now, high school is better. I have a lot of so called friends, and amazingly, about three people I trust one-hundred percent, and the rest are pretty close to being at ninety percent. Basically, the point of this rant was what is friendship anyway? I want to know why people often back stab their friends, or act two-faced. I want to know why honesty and loyalty seems like such a bad thing. Because personally, I could use some honest and loyal people. I have a few, but for me, most of the friends I have are only acquaintances. Not to mention I don't let them get past that point. I am trying my best to get better with this trust thing, but I really just don't see a point. Everyday I try to open up more. And I sometimes half succeed. I guess my main concept of friendship, if I even can claim this as a definition of the word, is if anyone has seen me really cry or if I've trusted them with a secret, no matter how hard it was for me to tell them, they are my friend.
Although, it's not all bad. Friends are people you can be your complete self around, and that feeling is amazing. :) I have found someone who managed to break down my walls in as little time as seven days, and honestly, this gives me hope. Maybe someday soon I can let those walls down and show people who I truly am. For now, I am stuck ranting on the internet. For some reason, it's so much easier than in real life.
Until next time,
ME! :)
What's the topic of this rant? I can give you the answer in one word. Friendship. This rant is going to be long, unless I stop thinking of words to describe my feelings on this topic. Let's just say I've had quite a few bad eggs in my life.
I'm honestly not sure if I have a real concept or main idea of what friendship is anymore. I've heard a lot of people say friendship is knowing that if you needed anything, they'd be there. Or how often you see each other outside of school. My global history teacher last semester said you know someone is your friend by how much they'd be willing to do to help you. Like, say I got kicked out of my house. His point was that my real friends would be the ones asking me if I would stay with them. Or if I needed a shoulder to cry on, my real friends would be there. I half agree with that. Friends are the people you know you can count on,If I needed an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on, they'd try to help. But half of the people I consider my 'friends' honestly I don't think would take the time to listen to my problems. Either that or in their head they'd be thinking of how much I whine about things that are stupid. Other people have worse problems than I do, etc.
My old friendships, excluding one from elementary, never lasted. If I were to think back to old best friends whom I used to think I couldn't live without, I could probably list at least five. But somehow, as you have fights or as you grow older, you go your separate ways. For me, it was mostly because either they back stabbed me, I made them angry and never really got a chance to fix it before they were gone, or they just moved away never talking to me again until it was too late. In grade 7, I made new friends, but by this point I was mostly just waiting for them all to fall apart. Sometimes I catch myself still in the train of thought that certain friends don't actually even like me.
Miraculously, I still speak to my friends from junior high. Or, at least, some of them. Not often, but I do still speak to them. And not on bad terms, which I somehow find awesome. But back to my rant. I think friendship is all mostly about give and take. If someone is your friend and needs you, you are there for them. One day, they will return the favour. And if they don't return the favour, they're not exactly your friend. I have a lot of trust issues because when I was young I used to trust any friend I had with everything in my life. Everything. If my mom and brother had been fighting like usual, my friends knew. If my sister had made me want to go bang my head against a wall, my friends knew. If my mom had made me feel bad because of a mistake I made due to clumsiness, my friends knew. It was with this knowledge that most of my friendships fell apart.
Either my 'best friend' at the time told too many people my secrets and made me become a loner for a period of time, or they thought I was just whining and told everyone I was a baby. Either way, I learned not to get too close or tell people too many things. Junior high in my brain is full of probably the worst memories I can have from when I was younger. In junior high I decided that trust would go to only those who never gave me a reason to distrust them. And whoever didn't spread rumors about me or make fun of me. This happened a lot as kid for me. So in junior high I made new friends and had some fun times.
I think it was my grade 8 year that was the worst. I had finally begun to open up, realizing that my friends were here to stay, and feeling like maybe opening up was the smartest choice here. I had just gotten back from my first time(and my last) seeing my dad that I can remember. My mother and I by this point fought almost everyday, and then if we weren't fighting my brother was fighting with her. Basically, my house began to be a war zone. I told my friends everything. They listened intently, and told me how they thought I could help. Eventually I began to feel better and reach out more. Becoming a bit more like I am now, more outgoing. As I made more friends who seemed to genuinely like me, I became more fun. I got a boyfriend whom I trusted with everything I had. You know what it's like in junior high and you find love for the first time. I thought this would last forever.
Some friends of mine back stabbed me shortly after, not such a big surprise. I seemingly got over it and didn't care; inside, I was back to my guarded untrusting self. My list of people I trusted narrowed down quite a bit. The next big thing that happened, I got news that my boyfriend had been cheating on me. We broke up for about a week. During that week we talked a lot about things, and why he cheated on me. He had admitted that he had cheated twice. I felt my brick walls build right back up leaving me where I was at the beginning of all this. Somehow, I forgave him and took him back. This was the third chance I'd given him. The first time we broke up was because I got annoyed and it only lasted like a day. Anyway, long story short, we went back to being a happy couple and I let him back in. Happy ending? No. He shattered my trust yet again, by (no surprise) cheating on me. We broke up for good, and he moved away. Leaving me without a real chance to get over him. All I know is that for some reason, it's easier to get over someone when you have to push through seeing them everyday. My house was returned to it's war zone state, with me and my mother fighting over the smallest things that I didn't like even leaving my room. Grade 9 for me is what I call my 'dark ages'. I was truly in a hole that I let hardly anyone see into. Some of my 'best friends' from back then would claim they knew everything, but they only knew what I let them know. Trust for me was a concept I could only ever dream of being a part of again.
Now, high school is better. I have a lot of so called friends, and amazingly, about three people I trust one-hundred percent, and the rest are pretty close to being at ninety percent. Basically, the point of this rant was what is friendship anyway? I want to know why people often back stab their friends, or act two-faced. I want to know why honesty and loyalty seems like such a bad thing. Because personally, I could use some honest and loyal people. I have a few, but for me, most of the friends I have are only acquaintances. Not to mention I don't let them get past that point. I am trying my best to get better with this trust thing, but I really just don't see a point. Everyday I try to open up more. And I sometimes half succeed. I guess my main concept of friendship, if I even can claim this as a definition of the word, is if anyone has seen me really cry or if I've trusted them with a secret, no matter how hard it was for me to tell them, they are my friend.
Although, it's not all bad. Friends are people you can be your complete self around, and that feeling is amazing. :) I have found someone who managed to break down my walls in as little time as seven days, and honestly, this gives me hope. Maybe someday soon I can let those walls down and show people who I truly am. For now, I am stuck ranting on the internet. For some reason, it's so much easier than in real life.
Until next time,
ME! :)
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Just thoughts.
Quick intro to me: You can call me...Well I am writing this anonymously so I shall call myself Betty. That seems like an okay plan. Continuing onward: I am 17, I go to public school. I am a leo, my favorite color is purple. NOW, onto my attempt at deep thinking. Brace yourself.
Today I found myself wondering if things really are all completely chance or coincedence. I agree that we make choices that affect our lives, and that our own choices create our luck or (in some cases) misfortune. But I do occaisonally wonder if maybe fate to an extent does exist. Maybe some things in our lives are fated to be, or maybe karma is in play here and when we do something good we are rewarded with something just as good (or maybe better) than what we have done. Maybe our lives are outlined for us, and we just fill in the details. For example, let's say I am definitely going to break my arm when I am five. Now, fate is directing my life toward that monumental moment, but the details of how , why, when, where, all of that is up to me and my choices.
Sometimes I wonder if this is how all our lives work. Maybe it's all too complicated to even put into words. Maybe it's a bit of fate, a bit of our own choices, a bit of karma, and a bit of chance; all mixed into the crazy, wonderful, imperfectly beautiful mess we call life. Mistakes are made to show us which way we were supposed to go all along, and maybe I am just crazy and need some sort of medication. That could indeed be it. However, I shall continue my crazy rant, just to get all these ideas out there. Maybe someone will find them slightly interesting.
I believe that having regrets is just another form of wishful thinking. I don't believe in having any regrets in life. If you think about the past, all your mistakes, what you did wrong or what you wish you could have done instead, you will wind up forgetting that life is all about what is going on NOW. The point of life is to make mistakes, and to learn from them. Everything you did at one point was EXACTLY what you wanted. You can't say, "I don't know what I was thinking," because you do. You just aren't happy with the result. And if you are that unhappy about the past, you should probably move on and start trying to make your future something amazing. Because if you keep living in the past, you will forget about the present, and your future in turn will suffer.
If you pay attention to the present, cherish every moment, or even just take time to slow down and think, you will be able to make your future amazing. We all have so much to be thankful for, just not everyone can see it. People spend all of their time complaining about things that are so trivial it's funny. I know, because I complain more than I really should, about such stupid things. Yet sometimes I cannot make myself appreciate the good things I have. Things like a person I love more than anything, amazing friends, mostly awesome family, my health (mostly), a place to live, food to eat, clean water to drink, I go to school when there are people in the world who can't. There are so many more things I can't even start to list them.
When I really think about it, I have no reason to be unhappy. I've got every reason in the world to be happy and thankful, and to live life as if every moment is my last. I am going to try to do exactly that. I am going to try to live my life everyday, as if I could be gone at any moment. I am going to love and show people forgiveness if they do not deserve it, I am going to tell everyone everyday how much they mean to me, and I am going to laugh whenever possible.
Oh, but wishful thinking is totally acceptable. Just not wishful thinking of the past. You should always have hopes and dreams, or wishes that seem impossible. Because even if you do not quite get what you wanted, you could get something better.
I'm going to stop now before this really gets far too long. Again, I could be completely crazy. Let's hope not.
Today I found myself wondering if things really are all completely chance or coincedence. I agree that we make choices that affect our lives, and that our own choices create our luck or (in some cases) misfortune. But I do occaisonally wonder if maybe fate to an extent does exist. Maybe some things in our lives are fated to be, or maybe karma is in play here and when we do something good we are rewarded with something just as good (or maybe better) than what we have done. Maybe our lives are outlined for us, and we just fill in the details. For example, let's say I am definitely going to break my arm when I am five. Now, fate is directing my life toward that monumental moment, but the details of how , why, when, where, all of that is up to me and my choices.
Sometimes I wonder if this is how all our lives work. Maybe it's all too complicated to even put into words. Maybe it's a bit of fate, a bit of our own choices, a bit of karma, and a bit of chance; all mixed into the crazy, wonderful, imperfectly beautiful mess we call life. Mistakes are made to show us which way we were supposed to go all along, and maybe I am just crazy and need some sort of medication. That could indeed be it. However, I shall continue my crazy rant, just to get all these ideas out there. Maybe someone will find them slightly interesting.
I believe that having regrets is just another form of wishful thinking. I don't believe in having any regrets in life. If you think about the past, all your mistakes, what you did wrong or what you wish you could have done instead, you will wind up forgetting that life is all about what is going on NOW. The point of life is to make mistakes, and to learn from them. Everything you did at one point was EXACTLY what you wanted. You can't say, "I don't know what I was thinking," because you do. You just aren't happy with the result. And if you are that unhappy about the past, you should probably move on and start trying to make your future something amazing. Because if you keep living in the past, you will forget about the present, and your future in turn will suffer.
If you pay attention to the present, cherish every moment, or even just take time to slow down and think, you will be able to make your future amazing. We all have so much to be thankful for, just not everyone can see it. People spend all of their time complaining about things that are so trivial it's funny. I know, because I complain more than I really should, about such stupid things. Yet sometimes I cannot make myself appreciate the good things I have. Things like a person I love more than anything, amazing friends, mostly awesome family, my health (mostly), a place to live, food to eat, clean water to drink, I go to school when there are people in the world who can't. There are so many more things I can't even start to list them.
When I really think about it, I have no reason to be unhappy. I've got every reason in the world to be happy and thankful, and to live life as if every moment is my last. I am going to try to do exactly that. I am going to try to live my life everyday, as if I could be gone at any moment. I am going to love and show people forgiveness if they do not deserve it, I am going to tell everyone everyday how much they mean to me, and I am going to laugh whenever possible.
Oh, but wishful thinking is totally acceptable. Just not wishful thinking of the past. You should always have hopes and dreams, or wishes that seem impossible. Because even if you do not quite get what you wanted, you could get something better.
I'm going to stop now before this really gets far too long. Again, I could be completely crazy. Let's hope not.
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